I decided to take last week off from blogging because honestly, I didn’t really have anything on the tip of my tongue to write about, nor was there exactly a break in the crazy action of my life right now to think about it much. But as I have my kids in bed at a decent hour tonight, it gave me a moment to pause and take in two of the wonderful celebrations that the last two weeks bring to my life.
Last Tuesday was my mom’s birthday. Saying I am thankful she is alive right now to celebrate another year is an understatement. There are really no words that could express how much it means to still have her with me and being able to take a trip over to see her on her special day was a joy. On the same day I drove over to celebrate with her, though, I also attended a funeral for my Aunt’s sister that afternoon.
She was diagnosed with breast cancer just like my mom a few years ago and although she fought courageously, she lost her battle. I say it was a funeral, but actually I believe they called it a Celebration of Life, which it absolutely was. It was wonderful to hear all the amazing stories people told about her in celebration of what she meant to others. But as we sang some songs, one that had the phrase, “When You don’t move the mountains, I’m asking You to move, I will trust in You,” I began to fall apart.
It gave me such a flashback to how gut-wrenching that day in June of last year was. How desperate I was for my mom to be healed and not knowing if I would ever see her again. And knowing that there were children that now had lost their mother, was difficult to comprehend. Why? My mom asked me the same question that day. Why her and not this woman? They both had hearts of gold and were warriors against cancer, but the endings are different.
Of course I didn’t have an answer for her. That is what’s so incomprehensible about this life, we just don’t know, but the words of that song ring true and I have so much respect for a family that stays strong in their trust of God, even in their darkest hour. It made me hold on to my mom a little tighter that day.
My other celebration comes this Friday with my 16th wedding anniversary. Wow. Kind of crazy, especially since my husband and I got engaged after 10 weeks of knowing each other, so staying together 16 years seems kind of awesome when you think about that. This will be the first time I can remember being apart on our anniversary. Although it’s not that we have elaborate celebrations each year or anything. Because we have lived so far away from family for so long, it’s rare we ever even get to go on a date since we’ve had children. But having him across the country right now hurts a little bit more than usual on such an important day because we are incomplete. We have always been a couple who just wants to be together, it doesn’t matter what we’re doing. So I don’t know if he’s reading this right now, but if you are, I send my love as far as it needs to go to reach you and know we miss you more than you know!
This phase right now, waiting to all be together again, is getting more difficult with each passing day but the words to that song ring true for us also. We must trust even when the mountains we want to move seem to be standing still, when we need what is starting to seem impossible to happen.
With the book getting so close to the finish line and my husband being such a key part of getting to this point, I would love to be doing this together. We have always been a strong team and being without my teammate just plain stinks. But, I have actually felt a strange sort of calm about our house selling lately, even though the showings have not been fruitful so far and the time apart continues to mount. And if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that the calm has nothing to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with God. There is no part of me that could be calm right now on my own with uncertainty staring me down each morning. So prayers are continuous because His strength is the only thing that keeps me focused right now, believing His timing will be perfect, even though I wish He had a suggestion box so I could put in my two cents.
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