I am hoping this blog will be cathartic for me. It’s been a very emotional week and “HILLS AND VALLEYS” is the very best way to describe it.
Our family is in transition yet again. It’s not to say that I am surprised by it exactly, our path has been anything but sedentary over the last 15 years. And at the core of this change is an unbelievable opportunity yet it also comes with pain.
I have already talked briefly about our numerous moves that you’ll read about in my upcoming book, but not even I saw another one coming before this book would even come out. Nor would I have believed it would be a change that separated the glue of our family, my husband, from us by over 2000 miles. Yet here we are.
Last weekend my husband set off for his new job back out west, where it all started for the two of us and watching him go was gut-wrenching. That area of the country has always called to us and it has been difficult to wrestle with our love of the mountains and my love for my family. Ultimately, we had chosen family. Although we were trying to get back closer to family for many years, it finally happened just 15 months ago.
The timing was absolutely phenomenal with the life threatening issues my mom would be facing just a month later. I would never have been able to handle being farther away and thankfully I could be there with her every step of the way through her miraculous healing. I will never be able to say thank you enough to God for the way He orchestrated that path and saving her.
Yet our story does not end there. One of the things my husband prays each time we are with our oldest son at night is for God to continue to lead us on His path. I have undoubtedly hoped His path would eventually get us even closer to family than two hours away. In particular, I would’ve appreciated the exact area the rest of my family lives, but as of now it is not meant to be. And that’s ok. We were here when it mattered most.
The path that opened up quite clearly to my husband and me was not only a drastic change of scenery but one more complicated that we have ever experienced. Because we move so much, we are habitual renters and the worst that happens is we lose our deposit constantly when we leave before our lease is up.
But when we moved back to Pennsylvania last year, we thought it would be our last upheaval and actually bought a house…BIG commitment for us. The house now, however, looks like it will be our biggest hurdle as the boys and I can’t join my husband until it sells. PAIN.
Here is where the valley sets in. We prayed long and hard because we knew this decision would take a leap of faith we have never had to hurdle before. We are trusting God will send the right buyer because there is a chance we could be separated a very long time if not. Do I get weak sometimes worrying it could happen? Certainly.
But then I must remember after 15 years of moving, God put us just where we needed to be a month before we absolutely needed to be there. Ultimately, though at times it is brutal on the heart, I will trust Him. He has never let us down.
One of the great parts of this story so far I will admit has been my mom. It took all the courage I could muster to break the news to her. Though I know it broke her heart to hear we were going again, she gave us her full support, so selfless and reflective of her beautiful soul. She knows how hard my husband has worked in his career and that he deserves this opportunity and the whole family will benefit from the experience. I agree whole heartedly. But the pain of being separated from those you love knows no limit. It doesn’t go away or get easier.
And the pain is certainly not just mine or my mom’s but that of my kids and their father. Watching him leave on his trek across the country was heartbreaking for everyone involved. Add to that our 8 goats, some of which we have raised since birth, went to their new home two days later because we can’t take them with us. My oldest son has been taking care of them almost single-handedly for the last few months and to see them leave ripped his heart out. He lost two loves of his life in two days.
HILLS and VALLEYS. This is life. This is real.
I’ve glanced out my window close to twenty times today just to see what those animals were doing, only to realize they are gone. The barn is empty, there are no noises coming from there anymore. Change is hard, but it will be worth it.
Although this whole situation is difficult right now, I am ecstatic about our new adventure and grateful for this path. The scenery where we are going is breathtaking and it is the back to nature living we adore. Is it an easy road to get there? Not in the least, but we seem to be road less traveled type of people.
Is it the best timing with a book coming out in the next month or two that has been my sole focus for the last year? That was rhetorical. Of course not, the timing could not be worse. But God will make a way, He always does.
We will all be together again soon. I know it. And if I forget, I have already decided I will just drive two hours and visit my mom. Nothing like looking at a walking miracle to boost your faith.
HILLS AND VALLEYS by Tauren Wells
On the mountains, I will bow my life to the One who sent me there. In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the One who sees me there. When I’m standing on the mountain top, didn’t get there on my own. When I’m walking through the valley, I know I am not alone.
You’re God of the HILLS AND VALLEYS.
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